fluid hypocrite

sometimes i go outside and everyone looks ugly. 

i can't imagine what it was like learning that the world was rotating. that the ground below you has been moving in ancient intricate patterns. scientists spending life times dedicated to learning unspecified paths of planetary wandering. no one would have even known unless someone asked a question. and no one will be able to change how the planets spin with this new information. we all just know now. we can plan better for the sun rising at breakfast.

i was drunk in a bar throwing back vodka cranberries. suddenly my friend's roommate who i took as mousy had lioness sensual prowess. i wanted to touch her arm. the girl in class who i thought had awkward posture, on a second glance, now lounges back with a cool aloofness. i sit in lecture itching wondering what her lips look like sipping on frothy espresso. the guy who i took as a loser smiles to himself and now i understand why his girlfriend thinks he's charming. its funny how these things ebb and flow. 

one time i tried to explain to my ex girlfriend that i didn't care much for philosophy anymore when i realized there was no right answer and why would i kill myself worrying over something people with degrees still can't seem to agree on. i could tell she hadn't thought of it like that before.

i sometimes would just say bullshit to her to get a reaction. i was watching her slobber over herself drunk in the back seat of a car so i craned my neck over to whisper to her if she believed in past lives. i didn't really care. i kind of just wanted to entertain it. she said no. i told her i believed just to see what she'd do. the conversation didn't go anywhere. neither of us really cared. i think afterwards i danced to music i wasn't even that big of a fan of. i just wanted to dance. i like to dance.

i think if i found out the secret to life i would still want to just eat breakfast.

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